Chapter 5: The Closeness Between Two

Autumn had fully settled in for the small town of Hometown, the brilliant leaves now at peak color and starting to fall. The eve of the Festival had come at last, and nearly the whole town was bustling in preparation.

 

You can probably guess who the exception was.

 

Quickly shotgunning a can of Genny Cream Ale, Dess crumpled up the empty can in her hands and swiftly binned it in a nearby receptacle, taking care to make sure nobody spotted her; she technically still wasn’t allowed to drink for a couple of months more, although knowing how tightly knit her family was with the police, it wasn’t like she’d face any trouble, anyway.

Despite the grand beauty of the natural scene that came about with peak autumn colors, Dess still felt driven to drink. The Festival was easily one of the most stressful times of year for her, outside of the holidays, of course. The way Hometown came to life was sickeningly saccharine, like it was straight out of an autumn Hallmark movie. Picturesque Northeastern town where some big-city lawyer chick would inevitably fall for some small-town farmer schmuck, a low-life bastard of the land, an occupation lower than the dirt they worked on. Disgusting.

Everyone, besides her, seemed to get wrapped up in this spirit. It was a shame, too, since she’d love to enjoy the beauty of the season in utter placidity. But alas, the foot traffic was a key point of ill for her. So many peering eyes, leering eyes, jeering eyes, it was suffocating. She never liked walking through Hometown much already; at this time of year, it was torturous for a shut-in and outcast like herself. She liked serenity and quiet, but the monsters that came up at this time of year didn’t seem to know those words.

And neither did the humans. Oh, how she detested the humans that came to Hometown this time of year. It was always the worst of their kind that came up, too, so determined to get photos of themselves within the serene beauty of the forests they had likely voted to turn into lumber, the hypocrites they were. Going about treating nature as their landfill, and polluting the minds of impressionable young monsters with self-loathing propaganda pamphlets, either religious or racial in quality. No wonder Kris said they were thankful to be adopted out to the Dreemurrs; the alternative would’ve been so much worse.

She’d already seen a handful today. Some were peacefully conversing with a few of the monsters, they were the “good ones” in Dess’ mind, at least. Yet she’d already seen some grandma try to pass off some pamphlets to a young dog monster, before his mother came and shoo’d away the wretched human. The Festival wasn’t even here yet, and the “festivities” seemed to have already started.

Case in point, as she made her way through town on that bustling Saturday afternoon, trudging down the sidewalk with her bat dragging across the weary concrete slabs, Dess could feel the weight of what seemed like hundreds of eyes gazing out upon her. It felt as if monster and human alike were, for once, unified in something: an abhorrence of her. She could see couples whisper in each other’s ears, hear gaggles of young children gossip amongst themselves, and could feel her heart beat ever quicker.

“Did that freak just come out of a bog?”

“Is that the mayor’s fucked-up kid?”

“I heard she has Chronic Wasting Disease!”

“You can even smell her from here!”

Picking up her pace, she briskly walked out of view, darting down a stray path into the forest and out of sight from the jeering gaze. Leaning up against a tree, she let her heart and breath settle, resolving to continue down to her destination via the back trails.

Indeed, that’s what she usually did; it must’ve been an absent mind that had led her to wander the streets of town just then. She was used to the fact people would stare at her; her dyed, messy hair, her odd gait and hunched posture, the Ostrheinland jacket, and the bat dragging visibly behind her all made her look like the living dead. But despite fully embracing her zombie looks, it still cut her soul deeply to feel so vulnerable, to lack any control over how the others in town saw her. That’s why she hid in the shadows: there was comfort in the darkness.

Feeling herself as steady as she’d get, Dess shook her head, smacked her face to wake herself some more, and strolled down the dirty, leaf-laden forest path she knew like the back of her hand, or rather like the scars on her arm, kept hidden to all but herself under her jacket sleeves. After absent-mindedly continuing down for some while, fortunate enough not to encounter some random tourist group on her walk, she finally reached her destination.

Stepping out from the woods, she was stood right in front of the Church, where a gaggle of middle schoolers were helping Father Alvin to adorn the structure with ribbon and bows, the typical fare one would be hard to miss scattered all across town this time of year. Just emerging from the woods where she did was enough to garner the stares of a few of the kids, which soon grew to include the entire congregation that was there. All except for one.

Noelle, in defiance of her peers, only looked nervously down and away. Dess could barely make her face out from a distance, but swore she could see a mixture of fear and shame laden in her expression.

It pained Dess to see her like this; things hadn’t been exactly right between them ever since that day by the lake, and it felt like things had only grown worse steadily as the weeks had gone by. The fight with Asriel especially seemed to have shaken something within her; they hadn’t spoken in the entire week since. Well, she had made a few attempts at small talk, at least; Noelle hadn’t reciprocated.

She desperately wanted to spend some time with her, and figure out where she went wrong.

Cupping her hands in a funnel to her snout, she called out to her. “Hey, Noelle!” she shouted. “Carol says it’s time for dinner!”

“I’ll be home in a moment!” Noelle called back, still refusing to make eye contact. Dess could hear Catti make some remark to her, and heard Noelle say something back, but couldn’t quite make it out. “Ah, just as soon as we finish these ribbons!” she added.

Fuck, that could be another hour with how big the church is. Dess recognized the fact it was a stall tactic, and frantically fought to come up with a thought at that moment. If she were more patient, she probably would’ve seen Gerson for some advice, but she really wasn’t in the mood. Her soul needed her to have this conversation now.

“Erm… umm… actually, mom said she wanted me to take you home early!” she hollered, making the lie up on the spot. “Yeah, wanted to make sure you got home nice and quick!” It wasn’t true at all; she’d actually have to stall for time to get Noelle back right when Carol wanted, but she was determined to have her moment. “She didn’t want your food cold!”

“But mom likes everything cold!” Noelle protested.

“Yeah, uh, well, therapy’s changed her… or something.” Dess mumbled that last part out loud, suddenly unsure of herself as she was not only caught in a lie, but also struck by her nerves as Alvin parted from the group and approached her. Fuck. The last thing she wanted was to have to converse with anyone else and risk being sent into a nervous tizzy.

“Why, hello, December!” Alvin politely called out. “Wonderful seeing you on such a fine day, is it not?”

“Ohh… hi, Father!” she managed to put out with a tremendously forced smile. “Yeah, great day today. Great, wonderful day, that’s for sure!”

Smiling warmly, he gave her a glance and nodded. “It’s funny, you’re usually never at church except for the big Angel’s Day and Christmas carol performances. And those seem like the days I’d least expect you to attend!”

“Yeah, well… I have my reasons.” She glanced back over at Noelle, who was desperately trying to appear busy with Catti. “I know it makes her happy.”

“Ah, your sister,” Alvin acknowledged. “Yes, she’s definitely one of our best singers in the whole choir, and at such a young age, too! Of course, if you were ever to join back up, I’m certain that your voice would add-”

Dess cut him off. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, look, we don’t need to do this whole runaround again. You know that’s not why I’m here.” She leaned out past Alvin and hollered once more. “HEY, ELLIE! YOU COMING?!?!”

The younger doe shot her a scared look, before falling into Catti’s open embrace.

Alvin lightly chuckled to himself. “Y’know, it’s still quite early, December,” he off-handedly mentioned, hoping to diffuse what had been lit. “I’m sure it’s no big deal if Noelle is a little late for supper. Knowing Carol, anyway, I’d be shocked if she were upset, knowing how pious your mother appears-”

The preacher was cut off by Dess taking ahold of his robes, pulling him in close with her iron grasp.

“Alvin,” she muttered through gritted teeth, her grin caught somewhere between manic and nervous as she clung to the turtle’s robes, staring black knives into his eyes. “I just need some sister time with her, desperately. PLEASE. Don’t. Ruin. This.”

His eyes wide, Alvin stood there petrified for a few moments, before gulping and nodding fervently. “Ah, Noelle?” he called out. “I think it’s best if you head off with your sister. Get going for dinner, and all that. You can help us some more later once you’re all fed, a-heh heh….”

Nervously chuckling, he breathed a sigh of relief as Dess finally let go of him, the rebel marching her way down to the front entrance of the church where Catti was protectively holding her sister’s hand.

“What do you want?” the chubby goth feline demanded, venom in her voice.

Dess was a bit taken aback by the vitriol. “Catti, I just wanna head home with my sister,” she answered, before deliberately chuckling. “You’re talking like I abuse her!”

She continued to laugh, hoping that the pair would, too, only to be met with mean glares from Catti and the other children, and a fearful look from her own sister. With the way she was huddled up next to Catti, she really did look like a battered child, fearful of someone.

And that someone was her.

The pain in Noelle’s eyes hit straight into her heart, her nervous laughter turning positively frightful as panic swept over her. Entire body trembling, she looked down at her bunched hands, and then buried her face into them. She’d never hit Noelle, hell, she never laid hands on anyone! Yet why the hell did she seem so scared of her!!!

Seeing her sister heave, likely on the verge of tears, Noelle finally acquiesced, letting go of her girl friend’s hand. “Fine, Dess,” she flatly answered. “We can go now.”

Pulling her face back up, she looked for reassurance, for any sort of warmth, only to glimpse Noelle’s face as one of unsureness and mild apprehension. One that was tired and weary from just being near to her.

It hurt, yes, but just a little bit less than the outright revulsion Catti had on display. “Noelle, are you sure this is a good idea to-”

“She’s my sister, Catti,” Noelle quickly answered, putting on a plastic smile. “I’ll be fine with her, I, heh…” It faltered. “...I always am….”

The feline shot Dess one last look of disgust, before shifting warmly back to Noelle. “Okay, then. See you later.” She went back to tie ribbons with the other children, leaving the two sisters standing by themselves in front of the Church, aimless.

“...Sooo…” Dess started, looking for anything to start a conversation with, but was interrupted by Noelle steaming off, grabbing her bag and making a beeline towards the trail Dess emerged from. “Let’s just go,” she coldly said; she knew well enough that Dess wasn’t going to wanna walk out about the town and would prefer the back trails, anyway.

Dess raised a finger and opened her mouth to speak, but words failed to come out. Her heart in her throat, she swallowed her sadness and ran off to follow along, the pair slinking off into the woods as Alvin and the other children watched along.

After walking for a good few paces, now definitively out of sight and earshot from the others, Dess broke the placidity of crunching leaves in the amber autumn landscape by speaking. “Hey, so… how’s the festival setup going? Looked like you guys were all busy back there?” It was a pathetic excuse for small-talk, but it was somewhere to start.

“Fine,” Noelle tersely replied as she trudged along, leaves crackling under hoof. “We had just finished decorating the town hall, and were moving on adorning the church with ribbon and the like.”

“Ah, cool, cool.” Dess nodded along, realizing that she’d already worn the subject thin. “And, um… how’s school?

“Good too. Grades are fine, I got an A on my last history test, all’s well.” She was even more laconic with her second response, her brow now visibly furrowing.

This was a problem for Dess, who, frankly, had no idea how to intentionally make small talk. She sucked with this kind of social stuff. Desperately searching for anything to talk about, anything morphed into anyone. “Saw you were talking to Catti there,” she said, desperately trying to maintain an aura of coolness to her.

“Yeah, she’s a great friend.” Nothing to work with was given, but Dess was desperate to force something, to put her reckoning off even further.

“Just a good friend of yours? Or is she more than just a girl friend, if you know what I mean. Drop the space, wink wink nudge nudge-”

Noelle suddenly stopped in her tracks, heel-turned back to face her sister, and stared her right in the face. “Alright, cut the crap!” she blurted out. “Something’s clearly up with you, Dess, you're never weird like this! What is it, then?!”

Dess could feel her hands tremble. Noelle was never this accusatory or angry, not with anyone! Did… did she do something???

“Heh, uhh… nothing! Nothing’s wrong, ‘Elle!” she lied. “Let’s just get back home, mom’s probably waiting for us!”

“You almost never call her ‘mom!’” Noelle poked. “I bet she didn’t even call for me to come back in the first place, did she?” Dess sheepishly gulped at the accusation. “You clearly made that up! Why?!”

She was at a complete loss for words.

“Well?! Spit it out!”

Taking a deep breath of crisp air, desperately trying to center herself, Dess reached down towards her heart and revealed the truth. “I guess… I’m just a little worried by how weird things have been between us, Ellie. It feels like shit’s just been off with you the last few weeks, you’ve just been so skittish around me! Ever since that day by the lake a while back, you’ve been avoiding me like the plague! I don’t know what to even say anymore, I just want to know why you’re acting so weird?”

“I’m the one acting weird?!?!” Noelle was completely beside herself. “ME??? Well maybe I have a damn good reason for it, Dess! Have you ever considered that?! Have you ever considered that seeing your older sister, your strong and protective older sister, seeing her have a complete manic breakdown in your arms, might just be a little traumatic?!?! Have you considered that seeing her hole herself up in the house for weeks on end, manically giggling to herself as she ritually holds a knife to her wrists in the kitchen might be scary?!?! HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THAT SEEING YOUR OLDER SISTER, WHO YOU SO LOVE AND IDOLIZE, CALL HER BOYFRIEND AND THE OLDER BROTHER OF YOUR BESTEST FRIEND A SON OF A BITCH AND DEMAND HE STICK HIS TONGUE UP INSIDE HER MIGHT BE, JUST EVER SO MIGHT BE, A SCARRING, IMAGE-DESTROYING EVENT?!?!?! HAVE YOU?!?!?!”

The young doe stood panting in front of her older sister, who through the entire ordeal slowly felt her legs turn to gelatin, before suddenly they gave out. Dess fell to her knees right in front of Noelle, trembling.

“Did I… did I really fuck up that bad?” she mumbled. “Did I really hurt you that bad?”

Noelle’s own breath was shaking. “Yes… you did… my entire concept of who you are….” She bunched her fists out of stress. “I’ve seen you fight mom before,” she acknowledged, still bitter. “But at the lake… it was just so different to anything prior. The way you just manically giggled, and babbled nonsense, and screamed it all out at the top of your lungs. You… you seemed so weak and vulnerable, it’s like I lost my innocence on that day, and with all that… I felt scared! That you were actually gonna hurt someone! Hurt me, even! Or hurt… or hurt yourself….”

Dess just knelt there, silent. Tears welled up in her eyes, much as she tried to fight it, to be strong for Noelle, to be the sister she was supposed to be. The sister she wasn’t. The sister she could never be again.

There in the leaves, on her knees, she wept; it wasn’t a wail with how stifled it was, but the tears flowed all the same, wetting her fur as she cried, her groans, sharp and deep, echoing through the woods.

“I’m sorry!” she bellowed through her sobs. “I’m sorry, Ellie! I’m sorry I’m the way I am! I’m sorry I can’t be more like you, sorry that I’m such an absolute mess!” She nearly rended her tank top she pulled at her collar so hard. “I just want to be the big sister there to protect you, like I used to be! But my mind, my wretched mind, it won’t let me! It’s just this ceaseless fog that creeps upon me, consumes my entire being, and clouds my every thought! It’s hard to write, hard to sing, hard to speak, hard to simply be anymore! Why can’t I just be NORMAL???”

As the overwhelming sadness consumed Dess, it spread with guilt over to Noelle, who suddenly felt the reckoning of having broken her fragile older sister once more. Animosity still flowed through her veins, but it was quickly dissipating and being replaced with pity. Seating herself beside her older sister, she took hold of her hand, nervously, and squeezed it as she wept, tracing an outline of a circle around her palm, hoping to steady the punk girl.

For minutes, they sat like this, Dess’ cries unceasing, but steadily slowing. That is, until the crunch of leaves behind them drew each of them away from the subject at hand.

“Oh, so that’s what the crying was coming from!”

Hearing the stray comment come out of nowhere, a voice neither of the deer recognized, they both looked over their shoulders to see an elderly human woman with curly white hair standing on the path, camera around her neck and red in the face, her skin clearly having been burned from the sun. If Dess had to guess from her accent, she was probably one of the Celtic-descent peoples from Bay City. A rather annoying sounding one at that.

“And I thought it was just some feral animal!” she jeered. “Although judging by your looks, I wasn’t that far off!”

Okay, and clearly she was a proper cunt as well.

“Look, miss,” Noelle began. “My sister’s just having a real hard time right now, we just need a moment to-”

“Aww, aren’t you just the cutest little innocent thing!” she mockingly cooed, raising her camera to snap a picture of her with a flash. “Thinking you’re sister’s ever gonna get better!”

“Hey, lady!” Dess snapped, now getting up to her feet as she wiped the tears from her face, her voice still weak and warbly. “Wipe that photo of my sister from your camera, NOW.” She growled the last bit through gritted teeth.

The woman threw up her hands and feigned innocence. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, miss! I was just taking photos of the wilderness and some animals, not of any people!” She cackled, Dess’ expression now turning dark as the human continued on with her insults. “Aw, what, does little missy doe have CWD? Is that why she’s so mad? We don’t want to have your sister put down, too, now do we?”

“Ma’am,” Noelle interjected, fearing the worst if she didn’t diffuse the situation. “My sister doesn’t have CWD, and I can’t get it, either; us monsters can’t contract that sort of thing!”

“Oh, of course you can’t contract that!” The old woman snarkily snorted to herself as she pulled out a pamphlet from her back pocket, making a move to hand it to Noelle. “I already knew that, no need to make me feel guilty. If anything, it’s dusters like you that need to feel the guilt, to fear the wrath of God!”

Dess snatched it violently out of her hands, spooking the older lady as she did so. Taking a peek at the crumpled pamphlet, her brow furrowed, before a boiling anger erupted out from her soul.

“THE ELDER PROTOCOLS OF MONSTERS?!?!?!” Dess shouted in disbelief. “You can’t even be arsed to come up with original anti-monster propaganda?! YOU ANGEL-BE-DAMNED DERIVATIVE TWAT!!!”

“Yeah, you… you speciest bitch!” Noelle chimed in, a rare case of her letting loose and cursing. Honest-to-Angel, even Dess was slightly taken aback by the display, although there was a good amount of pride still in her heart, knowing her convictions had still taken root in her.

The lady, however, was truly offended.

“Why, what a horribly un-ladylike thing for her to say! It’d be better off if your sister were raised right,” the woman spat, venom dripping. “Us humans know best, and if she keeps hanging out with the likes of you, well, she’ll be incorrigible. And it sounds like you’ve already set her on that path.”

Incorrigible. The word used to describe her since freshman year, the word constantly scrawled in report cards, spat out of her mother’s mouth, now aimed at her sister. The fire inside her had been lit.

The bitch didn’t know when to stop. “Maybe it’s best to just put the both of you down now, like the sick dogs you are, get ahead of the curve.”

Terrible words to speak to someone with reckless abandon and a weapon in her hands.

Clenching her bat in her hands, Dess felt her whole body quake. The fog she so dreaded had crept across her mind, shrouding her whole world in darkness. There were only two things in her focus now: her black baseball bat, and that vile woman’s vulnerable, unprotected skull.

She was gonna kill her.

First came out a giggle, schoolgirl-ish in nature, then it transformed into a chuckle, then a full-on manic cackle. Her eyes widened, pupils narrowed, focused intently like a predator preparing to pounce on her prey as she approached, readying her bat behind her shoulder with a swaying motion. She was just about ready to knock her block off. “Oh, THAT’S IT, you wicked BITCH!” she spat with a devilish, almost unnatural grin, baring her teeth towards the pathetic creature that stood mouth agape in front of her. The creature that stood in front of her sister.

Her sister, who was now tugging ferociously on her bat, screaming and hollering for her to stop.

“Dess, please! Stop!” she begged. “Don’t do it, PLEASE!!!”

Looking her sister in the eyes, seeing how they were on the verge of watering, pleading her to not take that final step and swing, Dess’ breath audibly shook as she exhaled, the last gasp of control in her mind fighting to hold her body back from her murderous desires.

“...Go,” she finally spat.

“Excuse me?” The woman, even in her fear, remained incredulous as she stepped back.

“I SAID SCRAM!!!” Dess hollered, raising her bat up in the air as Noelle fought to keep her held back, their bodies writhing in the struggle. Finally taking the hint, or perhaps now properly overwhelmed by the fear inside of her, the woman turned back down the path and booked it towards civilization, leaving the two sisters alone again.

Dess, however, had yet to satisfy her bloodlust.

“I SHOULD’VE KILLED HER!” Dess screamed at the top of her lungs as she swung at a nearby tree. “I SHOULD’VE KILLED THAT WICKED BITCH, CRACKED HER SKULL OPEN LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING WATERMELON!” Every swing grew with intensity and fervor, her body straining as she did so. “FUCK! FUCK!! FUCK!!!”

With one last swing, all of her burning hatred coming out from her arms in a blazing inferno of rage, she swung at the tree, and connected her tough black bat to its roughed bark surface. A loud crack emanated from the impact site, ringing out through the entire woods, as Dess’ heart and mind snapped right back into the moment.

Her bat. Her prized, precious wooden baseball bat. It had splintered.

She stood there idle for a few long moments, almost as if she hadn’t registered what she had just done. Noelle noticed this, and saw the spark of light in Dess’ eyes grow dim. Before she could move to act, her sister fell to her knees beside the tree, clung the broken bat to her chest, and wept.

“FUCK!” she cried, a loud, baritone bellow that erupted from her throat. “No… why, why, WHY?????” Her bat was broken. Her most treasured possession besides her guitar, a hand-me-down gifted to her from her father so many years ago, now lay shattered in two in front of her, a large chunk of wood having broken off from the bat and fallen amongst the leaves. It was as if her very soul had shattered in its place.

Words failed Noelle, but then again, perhaps it was better for nothing to be said. Silently, she stepped over to her sister’s side, kneeled down on the ground, and embraced her. She was quickly met with a reciprocation, Dess letting go of the main part of her bat and letting it fall to the ground likewise as she turned to hug her sister, burying her head in the younger doe’s shoulder as she wept profusely, staining her sweater with her tears.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled uncontrollably. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.”

“Shhh…” Noelle hushed, gently patting her sister on the back as she cried, feeling her heave with each strained breath. “Just slow yourself down. In and out… in and out….”

“I’m sorry, I’m… I’m sorry….” Taking a deep breath in, and then another one out, Dess was still frantic, although was no longer babbling.

Noelle continued with her aid. “Just take it slow, Dess,” she gently reminded, feeling her back continue to heave. “In for five, hold it for five, out for five. Just do that for me, okay?”

Dess’ breathing slowed as she listened to her sister, who repeated her instructions as she did so. Gradually, her breathing went from two seconds in then two out, to three, to four, to holding it for a beat, then finally settling into that breathing pattern Noelle had prescribed. Eventually, with her heart settling, it was as if the whole world slowed down and came to life around her. The rustling of the wind through the changing trees, the distant calls of birds preparing their migration south, her own breathing, and the now equally calm, softer breaths of her younger sister sat beside her, eyes closed.

Faintly smiling, she gently rustled Noelle’s hair to make sure she wasn’t asleep; her eyes delicately opened, and she smiled back in turn. “Better?” she asked.

Dess nodded. “Better, yeah.”

The two of them sat up, rather content to at least remain seated on the forest floor for the coming moment.

A question came to Dess’ mind. “Say… where’d you learn to do that, anyway?”

“Hm?” Noelle didn’t quite get it at first, but quickly connected the dots. “Oh! The box breathing! Yeah, Catti taught me to do that a while back, she said it helps to calm her down whenever she gets caught in a mood swing. She learned it at therapy.”

Therapy. Ugh, that was a dreaded word for Dess, although she did well enough to hide that fact for the moment. “Oh, shoot, heh. Sorry for having to make you play therapist, then.”

“Daww… it’s nothing!” Noelle playfully cooed; she also knew full well how Dess felt, but figured that playing it off as comical would somehow keep the mood light.

Dess, however, was still somber. “Hey…even beyond all of that, I’m sorry you had to see me like that… again,” she confided. “I know how stressed out that must make you… heh, you even made that clear yourself, and I still melted down.”

The feelings of regret were mutual. “If anything, I should be the one apologizing, sis,” Noelle tenderly assuaged. “I… definitely shouldn’t have blown up at you like that. It’s just… I’ve been trying my best to bottle up my feelings, and I guess that didn’t work out well for me, at all.”

“Yeah, I feel that. I definitely bottle up a bit too much as well,” Dess admitted. “At least you seem to recognize that on your own… I never seem to get the memo unless it’s spelled out for me.” She saw Noelle choke up at the mention of her own problems, and felt her heart sink a little more. “You still feeling okay?”

Noelle nodded at first, weakly, before pausing and shaking her head instead. “I can’t lie, Dess, it still hurts seeing you like this. Seeing you break down so easily… heh, when I was younger, I used to think you were invincible, you were so tough!”

Dess chuckled, also weak in reflection. “Yeah… I used to think that, too. Before all of this shit really came on.” She paused for a moment to take in the sounds of nature once more, hearing the hum of the last bugs of the year off in the distance, before continuing to vent. “I swear, it feels like a switch flipped my freshman year. Life was so easy back before then, y’know. Never really had to give anything much thought, every day was basically the same… it was nice.”

She cupped her hands pensively in her lap.

“I miss that.”

Noelle snuggled up closer to her sister.

“I miss being normal,” she confessed in a weak voice. “I miss not wanting to kill people. Why can’t my brain just… stop….” Dess chuckled morbidly. “I hate being me,” she wept, with no tears left to cry. “I wish I could just be more like you… I’d even die if it gave me the chance of that….”

Noelle could feel her soul grow weak just hearing the thought pass from Dess’ lips. She let a truth escape her own, hoping that it would bring her comfort.

“If it helps you to hear it some,” Noelle said, “I still kinda… wish I was like you to some extent still.”

Such a comment actually snapped Dess into morbid laughter. “Oh, don’t joke around, Noelle. You don’t wanna end up like me!”

“No, I’m serious!” she protested. “I mean… I don’t want your problems, necessarily… but the way you’re able to actually stand up to mom… I envy that.”

Dess froze for a moment, before shaking her head. “No,” she replied, “you don’t want that. I’m pretty sure she hates me and all that I stand for.”

“I mean… I don’t think she hates you,” Noelle assuaged, “but I get what you mean. It’s just…” She hesitated, but pressed forward. “I feel like I’m being dragged around like a marionette by her. Hell, even dad at times, and he doesn’t even mean it! I guess I’m just so used to caving under that pressure to perform a certain way, I just… do… even if it’s not what I want to do.”

She waited for Dess to respond, only to be met with contemplative silence. She continued, grabbing lightly onto the sleeve of Dess’ jacket.

“That’s why I love you so much, Dess. I feel, or felt… no, I still feel I can be who I want to be around you! I can be weird or off-putting and rowdy! And… I guess that’s why I idolized you so much, and still do. Maybe not to the extent you take things to, but I wish I could somehow stand up to mom and dad for once, to truly be myself. I just wish I could be stronger. Like you are.”

Dess looked at her in disbelief, fighting the urge to gawk. “You still think I’m strong?”

“I do,” Noelle answered. “It must take a lot of strength to keep on living with all you’ve gone through.”

“Yeah…” Dess looked down at her jacket sleeves, knowing very well that scars lay hidden beneath. “You have no idea how tough it is.”

Noelle saw Dess staring at her wrists, rubbing them gingerly, and recognized what was up. “You wanna talk about it?”

Dess didn’t hesitate in shaking her head. “I’d rather not.”

“Okay, then.” Noelle knew not to push it, lest she push Dess over the edge again. “I love you.”

In Noelle’s embrace, Dess leaned into it, and rested her head against her sister’s. “I love you, too.” She paused a moment, before adding, “And thank you, by the way. For being here for me.”

“Thank you, too,” Noelle copied. “For the same. And also for standing up to that old lady for me.”

Dess chuckled thinking back on it; it had only just happened, but the memory already felt so distant in her sister’s arms. “Honestly, you deserve the thanks for deescalating that. I was just about ready to knock her block off.”

Noelle playfully waved her off. “I mean, let’s be honest, I didn’t wanna see ya catch a murder rap, but it would be hilarious to see that woman squirm!”

Dess was genuinely caught off-guard, and gawked at Noelle with a big dumb smile. “Noelle, you for real?!”

“I mean, have you seen my Cat Petterz save! All of them somehow wind up with their heads knocked off! Fah!”

The two of them shared a good, hearty bout of laughter between them, setting aside the strain of earlier to embrace elation. “See, this is why I love hanging out with ya,” Dess giggled.

“Ditto,” Noelle replied. “I really enjoy spending time together.”

They let the sound of the woods settle for a moment, before a thought popped into Dess’ mind. “Sorry if this seems off the cuff, but… you know what I’d love to do with you someday?”

“What?” Noelle asked.

Dess smiled warmly as she leaned up against her younger sister. “I’d love to go to the big city with you. Not with mom, not even with dad. Just the two of us, seeing the shining lights of the skyline at night as we take the train in. And not some small potato place like Port Town, or even Bay City, but something truly magnificent. I’d love to go to Megalopolis with ya, at night, and see all the sparkling lights in the city square, maybe catch a game at the Garden Arena or Highlanders Park.” She sighed wistfully, closing her eyes as she let the dream wash over her. “Wouldn’t that be nice, Ellie?”

Noelle gave it some thought, the mental image being drawn up finding a newfound place within her heart. It was as if the closeness between the two of them had transferred the desire from elder sister to younger. “Yeah,” she finally murmured, a smile now coming about her own face as she snuggled up against Dess’ thick combat jacket. “That would be nice. Maybe we could even go to one of the art galleries there, too. I figure you’d like that as well.”

Smiling and nodding, Dess reciprocated. “I would, I think,” she said. “Together.”

“Yeah, together….” The forest fell silent besides the breeze that rustled through the leaves once more, the pair nearly falling asleep in each other’s company. Eventually, the bright blue sky up above began to fade, blue turning to orange as the day neared its end. But the sisters paid no mind to this; they were too at ease to care as they blissfully daydreamed in peace.

Hearing the caw of crows up above, eventually Dess was lulled out of her calm repose and lazily gazed at Noelle’s silver watch. “Oh, shit,” she absentmindedly mentioned. “It’s half-past six.”

Noelle was just as lackadaisical coming back to, yawning and stretching before she spoke up. “When did mom actually say dinner was?”

“Quarter-to,” Dess answered, propping herself onto her feet before offering a hand up to her sister. “We probably oughta actually make our way back home now.”

Noelle took a hold of her hand, bringing herself up with graceful ease, and was readying to turn and head home before something black in the corner of her eye caught her attention.

“Wait, your bat!”

Dess’ gaze snapped to match where Noelle’s was aimed, and her expression fell. The breathing exercises must’ve really worked, since she’d almost completely forgotten about the shattered bat that was left split apart on the ground. “Oh, right….”

Thinking quickly, her sister thought up an idea. “No need to worry, sis.” Reaching deep into her bag, Noelle pulled out a roll of adhesive gauze. “It’s not a permanent fix, you’ll probably need to glue that thing back together to really get it nice and presentable, but for the time being…”

She trailed off as she took the two pieces, fitted them together, and began to roll the gauze out tightly around the bat.

“...this ought to hold it together well enough!” Winding round and round the bat, slowly a thick white mass formed along the thick end of the wooden instrument, contrasting well with its black painted exterior. “And bing-bang-boom, we’re set!” Tucking in the tape and tying a knot with the frayed ends, she lifted the bat and lightly toyed with it, before handing it back to Dess. “Here ya go! Right and fixed!”

Taking hold of the neck of the bat, Dess shifted her grip to its natural position and held it in her hands, admiring Noelle’s impromptu handiwork as she did so. It obviously wouldn’t hold up to a proper beating in this state, but looked as if it could still be used for its intended purpose. Playfully taking a swing, and noting how it held up to the force of that, she rested it over her shoulder and smiled. “Thanks, sis,” she finally said.

Noelle nodded. “Shall we?”

Dess mirrored her. “We shall!” With that, the two strolled off down the wooded trail once more, keeping up a lively conversation as they went.

“So, you have any plans for tonight?”

Noelle didn’t skip a beat. “Oh, probably watch that… one werewolf movie again.”

Dess noticed Noelle was starting to blush. “Oh, Blood Moon?”

“Blood Moon III, actually,” Noelle corrected, desperately fighting off a stammer. “The one where the woman is the one that… turns… guh….”

Dess’ face lit up at Noelle’s embarrassment. “Oi, does somebody have a cruh-ush!”

“Shut up!” she protested with a gleeful smile. “Werewolf women are hot, okay?! Who wouldn’t want to be gored by one?! Just… have her pin you to the ground with her thick furry, muscular arms… and just… absolutely tear your face off and innards out!”

Her sister couldn’t help but cackle, with Noelle joining in the laughter. “You’re a freak, Ellie, you know that?”

“Where do you think I got it from, mom or dad?!” The two maintained their gleeful giggling, eventually disappearing far out of sight from where they were once sat, where the tree’s bark was bashed.

Better for them to leave all of that pain behind.

 

…

 

Gentle knocking rapped against Dess’ door later that night, just as the elder doe was preparing to turn in. Well, not exactly “turn in,” but rather strip down to her sleepwear and browse music forums on her desktop until she passed out at about 3AM. Close enough for her; the festival didn’t start until noon, anyway.

“Hey, Dess?” a gentle voice rang. “Can I come in?”

Dess grimaced ever so slightly, mostly out of exhaustion; she’d just finished up her portfolio, and was really feeling the past two weeks of work crashing down on her. Lazily, she slipped into a robe before opening the door. “The dark scaring you again or something, ‘Elle? Or was it that monster movie, fah!”

“No, it’s… well…” She shied away from looking for a moment, before revealing something that had been hidden, held behind her back. “I wanted to give this to you.”

She presented a CD, offering it up to her sister, who paused for a moment before taking it from her hands. On the disk was a hastily scrawled title done in sharpie: “Dess’ Happy Mix [From Noelle] =)”

Holding the jewel case in her hands, gazing at the sketch of a happy flower smiling up at her, Dess felt her breath be taken away. “Noelle,” she finally stammered. “You made this for me?

The blonde nodded. “Yeah, Catti and I like to burn CDs for each other, it’s kinda our thing, y’know. And I figured you’re probably all stressed out over, well, everything, so I made you a little mix! Now whenever you’re in a bad mood, you can have something to listen to and calm down with!”

Dess could feel her heart pounding out of her chest. Nobody had ever given her such a heartfelt gift before. “So did you stalk my collection and pick out some of my faves, or pick out your own stuff?”

“It’s a mix of both, really. Some from bands I know you like, some that make me feel happy myself… I hope you like it….”

“Like it? I love it, Ellie!” she said with a warm, tender smile as she held the case up to her heart with one hand and pulled her sister close into a hug with the other.

“Thank you. For everything today.”